


good intentions and better results

by fiveyaaas



Series: in good spirits [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Baking, Blow Jobs, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, Married Life, Smut, side fiveya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:01:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27843391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: “Alright, if you guys agree to not making any more dick-shaped cookies, I’ll do anything you want. But I really need these to turn out well.”“Anything?” Klaus asked.“Not attend your stupid holiday party?” Five added hopefully.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves
Series: in good spirits [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2038132
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40
Collections: Harcest Ficmas 2020





	good intentions and better results

**Author's Note:**

> Wanting to actually title fics for fic-mas is killing me, and I am SO close to having generic titles. SO. CLOSE. 
> 
> This is only my second horrance fic, so if I have anything wrong as far as characterization or anything, please tell me!!!

If it wasn’t for the fact that Five had been the reason Ben had been able to come back to life (or never die, he wasn’t sure of the exact mechanics, and anytime he asked how he managed to get the consciousness of a ghost into said ghost’s actual body, he sneered and said,  _ ‘you wouldn’t get it anyways’),  _ Ben would have strangled him for enabling Klaus. Both Five and himself were professors at the same university now, and Five was being such a bastard because he was annoyed that Ben had organized a staff end-of-the semester holiday party for all the professors that he was forcing him to attend. Normally, he couldn’t force him to do anything, but he’d convinced Vanya to refuse sex until he agreed. Naturally, he’d agreed to even help make gingerbread men for the party. 

Unfortunately, in Five agreeing to help him make the cookies, he’d not considered Five would be petty, spiteful, and a general bitch about it. When Klaus started shaping the gingerbread into phallic shapes, Five joined right in with him. 

“This is for my  _ job,”  _ he complained, eyeing the batch of gingerbread dicks that they’d somehow managed to get in the oven without his knowledge distastefully, setting the pan on his kitchen counter. “You guys can’t honestly expect that I’m going to take these to work.”

“Just say that they’re snowmen!” Klaus suggested. Ben frowned at his husband and then to Five who looked way too proud of himself.

“You used your powers to put dick-shaped cookies into the oven without my knowledge,” Ben realized. 

“Yes, and I’d do it again. That’s what you  _ deserve _ for interfering in my sex life.”

“They still taste the same,” Klaus argued, nibbling at the gingerbread. “In fact, I think the phallic shape enhances the texture, truly. The crispy edges on the tip truly make this cookie.” 

“I wish I was still dead.”

“You still couldn’t escape me,” Klaus told him, kissing his cheek sloppily and getting crumbs all over him. 

“I’ll take the dick batch,” Five offered. 

“Are you trying to hoard my food by sabotaging it?”

“That does sound like him,” Klaus mused. He hopped up onto the counter, scooping up more of the cookies to eat. Ben would have slapped his hand away, but he was pretty sure no amount of frosting would help them be appropriate for his colleagues. 

Ben wondered if he should leave the cookie plan behind, considering he still had to make a bunch of finger foods as well. Maybe Grace would help him if he went to the mansion, but he hadn’t spent much time with Klaus this week, horribly busy from his students’ finals…

“Alright, if you guys agree to not making any more dick-shaped cookies, I’ll do anything you want. But I  _ really  _ need these to turn out well.”

“Anything?” Klaus asked. 

“Not attend your stupid holiday party?” Five added hopefully.

“Yes,” Ben said to Klaus, already aware where his thoughts were going before turning to Five to scowl at him until he rolled his eyes, acquiescing that he would still attend the party. 

“I get all of these,” Five said, pouring the sabotaged cookies into a ziplock baggie. “And all of the crudites I licked. Which was all of them.” 

“You’re killing me.”

“Don’t be a baby. I have prepared enough gingerbread dough for about a hundred cookies  _ and  _ made your fucking charcuterie board  _ and  _ made three different dips. This is the end of my patience, and I must go home to my wife so we can eat all of the food I have stolen.” 

Ben sighed as he vanished with what he imagined was at least a third of the snacks Ben had prepared, turning to his husband. 

“Will you be good for me?” Ben asked, bracketing himself between his legs, still dangling off the kitchen counter. Klaus grinned down at him, not promising anything. Ben set his hand on his thigh, coaxing his voice into something much less exasperated, “Please? For me?”

“Did you mean  _ anything?” _

“Besides the usual things I say no to.”

Klaus rolled his eyes, pulling him closer by his shirt. “All things that are too complicated for me anyways.” 

“Your laziness spares me from so much pain,” Ben commented, groaning as Klaus pulled him closer. Remembering that he still had more to do, and that he had to do it all within the next ten hours, Ben added, “There’s another batch of cookies in the oven, Klaus. I don’t want them to burn.”

“They can wait.” When Klaus’s nails dug into his shoulders, Ben accepted that that batch would be burned. It was fine; his staff wouldn’t notice the disparity. He lifted Klaus up, carrying him as far as the couch before climbing on top of him, keeping his lips on him and only taking second long breaks to breathe. 

“You’re not being good for me,” Ben grumbled.

“I’m perfect, and you love me.”

He rolled his eyes, shrugging off his shirt while Klaus stripped off his own underneath him. Ben stood up to get the rest of his clothes off, taking breaks to watch Klaus, who preened at the attention. “Okay, fine, I do love you.”

“I need praise.”

“You  _ need _ a gag.”

Ben crawled back on top of him, slotting himself between his legs again. “You’re always good for me,” Ben crooned. “But if you try to interrupt me after this, I won’t put out.”

“Oh,  _ please, _ you’re hornier than I am.” 

When Ben reached down to stroke Klaus’s growing erection, not speaking at all, he groaned out after a few moments, “Fine, I won’t interrupt you.” 

“Good.”

“Don’t stop.”

He smiled, kissing his cheek before moving down to take him into his mouth. Klaus whined softly, stroking his hair when Ben managed to swallow him completely. 

Klaus thrust his hips up, making Ben choke for just a second before he managed to get his breathing under control. One of his hands settled against Klaus’s thigh, nails digging into his skin as he sucked him off. “You’re being good too,” Klaus teased, knotting his fingers through Ben’s hair before he roughly pressed his head down, causing him to choke again. It was annoying how his husband’s words only caused him to feel aroused when he wanted to be annoyed, and his hips weakly ground against the couch. “I can’t wait until you admit that you’re not going to cook anymore tonight.”

Ben pulled off of him with a pop, about to go back to the kitchen before deciding that the cookies would just have to be  _ really  _ burnt. He lifted Klaus up again, carrying him to the bedroom and rifling through his nightstand for a bottle of lube. 

When he finally found it, he kissed Klaus again, coating some of the gel onto his fingers before easing them inside of his husband, keeping his lips pressed to his until he moved them to his neck, nipping the skin. Klaus leaned down, stomach pressed to the mattress. 

Ben was pretty certain that the cookies would burn, and that none of the finger foods would be made tonight. 

Eh, whatever. His colleagues were annoying anyways. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! I will have five horrance fics in this series, but I’ll also have five fics for the following ships too: benkliego, kliego, vanyallison, alluther, benfiveya, and benya. As I’m primarily a fiveya shipper and it’s easier to write them for me, they’ll have a fic for everyday of this challenge. However, if any of y’all want to see more horrance from me in the future just tell me!!!💕


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